Control Freak? Me, too! Let’s Talk Change!
DR. CHRISTOPHER S. CULVERChange is hard—for all of us.
We’re wired to want control. It makes us feel safe. So we try to control people, plans, and problems—often without realizing it. But the truth is, the only person we can really control is… you. Your thoughts. Your actions. Your emotional state.
When we start there—when we take ownership of what’s in our lane—we actually gain a sense of peace. That’s not just some feel-good fluff. Neuroscience backs it: when we regulate ourselves, our brain releases dopamine and serotonin, helping us feel more motivated, calm, and resilient. It's real, not woo-woo.
Change has never come easily to me. As a Type A personality, I crave structure, plans, and predictability. But over the years, I’ve learned to see change as a teacher—and sometimes even growth. A reroute that might lead to something better—even if it doesn't feel like it in the moment.
I now believe that everything happens for a reason, even when it doesn’t go according to plan. It might not make sense at the moment, but change is always shaping us, growing us, or guiding us to something new. Still, I’m guilty of telling myself the story in my head—creating a narrative about how things should go, only to feel frustrated when reality doesn’t match.
But those stories? They’re often the root of our anxiety, frustration, and stress. It’s wild how our own expectations can trip us up. Living in the right now, not the “what should’ve been,” is where the real peace lives—for your emotional, mental, and physical health.
I mention this because, right now, change is in full swing for so many during this time of the year.
Kids are wrapping up school and heading into summer.
Adults are shifting jobs, careers, even life phases.
Teachers? Some are being reassigned, promoted, or asked to step into something new.
Leaders are navigating end of the year/quarter, half way through the year with shifts.
Families are planning reunions, welcoming babies or grandbabies, and navigating retirement.
Whatever the transition looks like—change is happening. And it can be uncomfortable.
Let me introduce you to Sally Jo Freebush (my classic go-to name). Sally Jo was a school administrator recently asked by central office to move to another campus. While the deeper reasons aren’t important here, what matters is how she felt—pushed out. The change felt forced, and her mind spiraled into stories, doubts, and fears.
She adjusted (because Sally’s wise like that), but the pivot wasn’t easy. It still stung. And I think of her often, especially when I hear from teachers and students who are also being asked to make changes they didn’t initiate or navigate similar shifts which causes fear, frustration, and fatigue.
When change is forced, it’s natural to feel fear, grief, or even a little panic. But it’s not the end of the story—it’s the start of a new chapter. We just don’t know what it’s called yet.
When things feel out of control, the best thing we can do is come back to ourselves. We can't always stop change. But we can choose how we respond.
Here are five simple, science-backed ways to stay grounded, centered, and kind to yourself during seasons of change.
Cut Back on Screen Time: In a world of constant comparison, the doom scroll is not your friend—especially during change. Put the phone down for 20–30 minutes. Rest. Recharge. Do something that fills you up and lights you up. Take your mind offline so your heart can reset. Read. Walk. Dance in your kitchen. Do something that lights you up—without needing likes.
Get Outside and Move: Even just stepping onto your porch or walking to the mailbox can shift your mood. Being outdoors for 20 minutes a day can reduce stress hormones like cortisol and boost mood-enhancing chemicals. Nature is medicine. Let it hug you.
Name What You’re Grateful For: Our brains can’t be anxious and grateful at the same time. Wild, right? Your brain lights up when you practice gratitude. Each day, write down 1–3 things that made you smile. You can even start a “Gratitude” note on your phone. Things like, “The barista smiled and knew my name” or “The sunset was next-level beautiful.” Tiny sparks of joy change everything. Small moments—like someone holding a door open—can shift your mindset.
Connect with People Who Light You Up: We’re wired for connection. It’s in our biology. And especially in transition, we need people—not just to vent to, but to be with. Call a friend. Send a silly voice memo. Walk with someone. Laugh. Even a quick FaceTime, text, or coffee chat can work wonders. These micro-moments of connection help anchor us when everything else feels like it’s shifting. Plan something simple—a walk, a shared meal, a chat under the stars. Surrounding yourself with people who see and support you can help you navigate uncertainty with greater peace.
Remember Your Worth: This might be the most important one. You are enough. Right now. As you are. You are not defined by your job title, your to-do list, or how neatly your life lines up with your plan. You’re valuable because of who you are—not where you work or how others see you.
In leadership, I lost sight of that for a while. I let outside voices cloud my self-worth. But let me say this loud for the people in the back: fit is everything. And your worth doesn’t change based on someone else’s view, or when your circumstances do.
Write affirmations like:
I am grounded in who I am.
I am capable of navigating change.
I am open to what’s next.
I am worthy, always.
I am walking forward with hope, heart, and faith.
I am brave enough to navigate change.
I trust everything is working out for me.
Speak them. Write them. Believe them.
You’re Not Alone
Change can feel lonely, but you are not the only one walking this path. Everyone—yes, everyone—has moments where they question, fear, and resist. You’re human.
These five small steps won’t fix everything, but they can help you stand a little taller in the middle of the unknown. They've made a difference for me—and for many others I’ve walked alongside.
People like Mel Robbins talk about the 5-second rule and the mirror high-five as tools for motivation and self-compassion. Use what works for you. But above all, remember this:
You are not in this alone.
You are not falling apart—you are being reassembled.
You are still shining, even when it feels dark.
If you ever need someone in your corner, I’m here. Keep going. You’ve got this.
And if no one else has said it lately:
I see you.
I believe in you.
You’re doing better than you think.
Keep shining. I’m cheering you on.
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