We Have a Disconnection Problem
I remember it very well, looking back, (no, I am not cueing up for Reba, but it seemed to happen organically), but I remember being a central office administrator in a school system, similar to that of a C-Suite executive, and I remember thinking everything looked fine: people were doing their jobs, tasks were getting completed nearly on time, and nothing was technically “wrong,” but you could feel the difference because something truly felt off.
You know that vibe you get? You feel the silence, you notice people not really talking or looking at one another, and really in the way that people moved past one another rather than toward one another. More compliance based, transactional setting rather than true connection and belonging.
It hit me: most environments do not break down because people stop working. They break down because people stop connecting.
Here is the hard truth, though, we have been told over and over again that burnout comes from doing too much, but I don’t think that’s the full story. People truly burnout not because of work, but rather because of how it feels to work.
Research continues to point to this same truth: Human beings are not designed for isolation. We are, as research shows, “ultrasocial learning machines … born to bond, play, and connect.” So, when that connection piece is missing, everything changes. Literally everything: stress increases, performance drops, engagement disappears, and the story in our head gets more real each pressing moment.
In fact, culture research shows that high-performing groups succeed not because they are smarter, but because they are psychologically safe. What’s even more powerful is that connection does not just impact performance, it also impacts our health. Studies show that kindness and social connection can literally change biological outcomes which lead to improving long-term resilience and reducing the risk for disease(s).
So, to me, this means something simple, but really freakin’ powerful: every person who walks into your space is asking: Am I safe here? Do I belong here? Do I matter here? Am I respected here? And whether you realize it not, your behavior answers those questions.
So, if we really want to shift culture, connection, and belonging, it doesn’t start with a mission statement. It starts with this tomorrow.
Look at people in the eye when you speak,
Use their name with intention,
and Acknowledge something specific that they did.
These may seem weak or perceived as soft skills, but they are signals to the brain that you matter here.
If you are reading this and realizing how much this matters, thank you, and I created a free resource with simple, actionable ways to build belonging and connection in minutes, not months. You can access it here.
Friend, kindness isn’t one more thing, it’s the thing that changes everything. This is the work that I lead with teams and organizations through The Science of Kindness where we are moving culture from intention → to execution.
If your organization is exploring ways to strengthen belonging, connection, and sustainable performance, you can learn more about bringing The Science Of Kindness to your team through workshops, trainings, keynotes, and more!