The Power Of Being Seen
WRITTEN BY: PATRICIA CALHOUNEmpathy in Action: The Life-Changing Power of Being Seen
Everyone wants to be seen and heard. More than acknowledged—but truly seen. Seen for who they are, what they’ve been through, and what they could become.
Every night, this child lies awake, listening to their parents' angry shouting—loud enough to shake the walls, both literally and figuratively. They don’t know what a “healthy” relationship looks like. All they know is fear. All they understand is chaos.
Their mother is battling her own war—depression. She still shows up, though. She gets out of bed, prepares them a meal—maybe not every meal, but at least one. She works long hours at a job that barely pays the bills. And when she comes home, she’s drained. She doesn’t have the energy to ask about homework or how their day went. She doesn’t clap from the stands at their basketball or soccer game. She doesn’t have the capacity.
She wants peace. Quiet. A moment to breathe.
The Invisible Weight of Stress
Now imagine that same mother walking into work. She's already questioning herself:
Am I good enough? Do I belong here? Am I too loud? Too aggressive? Will they respect me?
Her self-doubt, the emotional weight of abuse, systemic issues, poverty, and generational trauma—she carries it all. And whether she means to or not, that weight bleeds into her parenting. Into her energy. Into her connection with her child.
And now imagine that child walks into school. YOUR school. YOUR classroom. They’ve learned something important—though tragic: if they are quiet, no one pays attention. If they sit still, they disappear. But if they are loud? If they joke around, act up, stir things up? People notice.
To them, attention equals affection.
And affection feels like love.
The Classroom Meltdown
So they act out. Loudly. Frequently. They interrupt. They yell across the room. They can’t sit still. It’s not defiance. It’s survival. It’s the only way they know how to say: I’m here. Please notice me. The teacher is exhausted. She’s asked him to be quiet ten times today. She’s redirected him, ignored him, and scolded him. But he keeps going. Keeps interrupting. Keeps pushing buttons.
Finally, she yells, “Get OUT!”
The child—let’s call him Bobby—storms out, face tight with anger and embarrassment. “I didn’t do anything!” he mutters. Over and over again. He believes it. Because in his mind, all he did was be himself. That’s all he’s ever known.
But someone sees him.
The Moment of Change
There was another teacher in the classroom. She gently follows. She stops Bobby in the hall, kneels to his level, and in a calm voice says:
“Bobby, you have been disruptive today. You did do something. But I also know you are better than this. When your teacher asks you to listen, you need to try. I know it’s hard sometimes. But you can do this. You are better than how you have been behaving.”
And something shifts. You can see it in Bobby. His face softens. He goes quiet. No argument. No shouting. Just reflection. A sense of being… understood. He puts his head down and walks to the neighboring classroom. And for the rest of the day? He’s calm. Focused.
We have to give our students the right type of attention.
What just happened?
Bobby was seen.
The other teacher didn’t excuse his behavior—but she didn’t shame him either. She called him in, not out. She reminded him of his potential, not just his mistake. She gave him dignity, not just discipline.
And in that moment, Bobby experienced something powerful: Empathy. Accountability. Belonging.
Understanding the Impact of ACEs
Children like Bobby often carry invisible backpacks full of trauma. These are known as ACEs, or Adverse Childhood Experiences. The term, first popularized by a landmark Kaiser study, refers to events like:
Physical, emotional, or sexual abuse
Emotional or physical neglect
Witnessing domestic violence
Growing up with a caregiver who has mental illness, substance abuse issues, or who is incarcerated
Living in poverty or facing systemic racism
According to CDC research, students with 3 or more ACEs are:
2.5 times more likely to fail a grade
More likely to be suspended or expelled
More likely to be diagnosed with learning and behavioral disorders
More likely to score lower on standardized tests
More likely to be chronically absent or disengaged
More likely to display impulsive, aggressive, or oppositional behavior
But perhaps the most heartbreaking part?
These behaviors are not always symptoms of defiance. They are often signs of survival. Signs that a child is screaming, without words: I need help. Because if we know anything about our children and students, they would never (or couldn’t) come right out and say it.
The Role of Educators and Community Members
As educators, mentors, coaches, youth leaders, and neighbors, we must remember:
Children are not their trauma.
They are not their outbursts.
They are not their test scores.
They are not their (temporary) behaviors.
They are full of promise.
They need someone to see their humanity. And the way we respond to their most difficult moments can either break them further—or begin to heal them. Getting angry at a traumatized child does not teach them a lesson. It adds to their adverse experiences. It confirms what the world may have already taught them—that they’re bad, unworthy, unlovable, and uneducated. But responding with calm, clarity, and care? That’s TRANSFORMATIVE.
Healing Begins in Safe Spaces
Our schools, churches, and community centers must be more than institutions. They must be sanctuaries.
Places where children feel safe, not scrutinized.
Heard, not just managed.
Valued, not just tolerated.
Imagine if every child who entered your space felt like someone believed in them—really believed. Imagine if every child had at least one adult who spoke life into them regularly, who made sure they were not invisible.
It’s not about perfecting your discipline plan. It’s about creating a culture. A culture where students understand the difference between what you did and who you are.
You Are the Difference
You don’t need to fix everything. You just need to show up. To be present. To be kind. To hold the line with love. Be firm, but fair.
So, how can you show a child that they are seen?
Learn their name—and pronounce it correctly.
Greet them warmly, every day.
Ask how they’re doing—and really listen.
Celebrate small wins: “You stayed focused for five minutes longer today. That’s progress.”
Laugh with them. Have fun!
Pull them aside—not out—when there’s an issue.
Apologize when you make a mistake. Model humility. Show that we all make mistakes but it is how we respond to them that matters.
Show them their future can be different from their past.
Because every time you see a child—truly see them—you plant a seed. A seed of self-worth. A seed of resilience. A seed of hope.
One Moment Can Change a Life
Who is your Bobby?
What is your teaching style?
Maybe Bobby will forget the math lesson that day.
But he will never forget how that other teacher made him feel.
That’s the power of being seen. It’s quiet. It’s simple. But it’s revolutionary.
So this week, ask yourself:
How will you show up?
How will you respond—with empathy instead of judgment?
How will you make someone feel heard, held, and hopeful?
Because for some kids, you are the only adult who will take the time to see them.
Be that person.
Because sometimes, one moment of being truly seen is all it takes to change a life.
This is dedicated to my third and fifth grade teacher, Mrs. Robinson. She was always kind, loving, and firm—and I always knew she cared about me. I don’t ever remember her raising her voice (though I’m sure she did once or twice), because what I remember most is how she affirmed me. She made sure I felt seen and valued more often than I was ever corrected. She was my mother away from home, and for that, I’m deeply grateful.
PATRICA CALHOUN
Patricia Calhoun is a dedicated education professional with a master's degree in Educational Leadership. She has worked in the education field for 16 years, with experience teaching Head Start, Pre-K, 1st grade, and 4th grade. Currently, serving as a School Climate Specialist for Oklahoma City Public Schools (OKCPS), she is passionate about collaborating with and inspiring educators to cultivate safe, engaging learning environments. With a vision for educational excellence grounded in empathy, supported by backwards design, data driven instruction and the science of teaching, Mrs. Calhoun is determined to lead a school toward academic success in the near future.