The Candle That Wouldn’t Light
It was one of those small, ordinary moments that didn’t seem like it would mean anything. I went to light a candle—a simple act, part of my morning rhythm—and it just wouldn’t catch.
I tried once. Nothing.
Twice. Still nothing.
By the third attempt, I sighed, a little louder than I meant to.
The wick was too short, the wax uneven, and my patience thinner than usual. It should have been simple. It usually is. But that morning, it wasn’t.
I set the lighter down and just stared at the candle, its wick dark and stubborn. For a few seconds, I felt frustration bubble up. Then, almost immediately, I started laughing.
Because isn’t that life?
We expect things to go one way—quickly, easily, smoothly—and then something small catches us off guard. And before we know it, we’ve lost our calm over something that was never really the point to begin with.
As I sat there, I thought about how often this happens in bigger ways too. We plan a day, a project, a season of life, and things don’t ignite the way we hoped. The meeting doesn’t go as planned. The student doesn’t respond to our best efforts. The moment we imagined just… flickers out.
And yet, when I finally slowed down, I realized the lighter wasn’t broken. The candle wasn’t wrong. They both just needed a little patience—a little oxygen, a little care, a little time.
Kindness works that way, too. It doesn’t always spark instantly. Sometimes it needs room to breathe before it burns bright.
Neuroscience tells us that when something doesn’t meet our expectations, the brain’s error detection system—the anterior cingulate cortex—activates. That tiny signal releases cortisol, nudging us toward stress or irritation. But when we pause, take a breath, and reframe the moment, we shift neural activity back to the prefrontal cortex—the part responsible for empathy, decision-making, and perspective.
That pause doesn’t just calm the body; it changes the story.
Because it’s rarely about the candle. It’s about how we meet the moment.
5 Ways to Be the Light
Pause before reacting. Take one deep breath before assuming something is broken.
Adjust your expectations. Frustration often hides inside the gap between “what is” and “what we wanted.”
Let things breathe. Whether it’s a project, a person, or a prayer—some things just need time to catch.
Find the humor. Laughter resets the nervous system and softens perspective.
Try again—with grace. Kindness means offering yourself the same patience you’d offer a friend.
Being the Light doesn’t mean everything works on the first try. It means staying open-hearted long enough to see that the flame often comes right after the pause.
Keep shining, friends!
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