Quality Vs. Quantity
Hi, friends!
The other day I left an event that had gone really well. The energy was high, people showed up, and there was a real, genuine connection in the space. Yet, whenever we walked out, someone said, “I wish more people had come.” That stopped me in my tracks.
We live in a world where numbers chase us everywhere. Likes, shares, views, followers. Even at live events, it shows up in the question, “How many were there?” What if the measure is not how many, but how meaningful?
Our brains are wired to notice numbers. It is part of how we compare and evaluate, but numbers do not always equal meaning. A room with ten engaged people can change your life more than a room with a thousand who never connect.
In our tech driven world, numbers and comparison creep in. We analyze analytics, likes, comments, shares, interactions, and reposts, always looking at how to get boosted by one algorithm or another. The reality is that this mindset seeps into our personal lives more than we realize. I remember when I was a new live host on TikTok. A mentor told me, “The number in the right corner of your live room doesn’t matter. It’s quality over quantity.” That same lesson applies everywhere. It is about the quality of people in the space, not the number.
Research shows that when we focus on quantity, especially in social spaces, our brains slip into comparison. This activates threat responses in the amygdala and is linked to increased anxiety and decreased life satisfaction (Appel et al., 2020; Eisenberger, 2012; Vogel et al., 2014). When we focus on quality connection, the brain’s reward system is activated: oxytocin and dopamine are released, fueling resilience, belonging, and joy (Crocker et al., 2017; Seppala, 2016).
Young people feel this pull even more strongly. Studies show that adolescents who tie their self worth to social media metrics report higher levels of loneliness, depression, and anxiety (Twenge et al., 2018). If they do not see a number high enough, they often overlook the value of real connection sitting right in front of them.
It is easy to get caught up in the busyness of life. Houston Kraft (2020) reminds us that we often think we will get to kindness or connection once we finish our long to-do lists, but kindness delayed is often kindness denied. When we root our lives in quality, prioritizing moments of compassion and presence, we show up as the best version of ourselves. Neuroscience reinforces this: acts of kindness literally strengthen neural pathways that foster empathy, trust, and connection (Fredrickson, 2013). It is not about the quantity of things we do. It is about the quality of life we cultivate and the ripples of kindness we create for ourselves and for others.
So today, notice one quality moment—a smile, a story, or a laugh—and let that be your measure of success. One meaningful connection is worth more than a thousand fleeting impressions. I challenge you not to get lost in the comparison of quantity versus quality and find gratitude for all that you have and are. Every day may not be a great day, but there’s something great in every single day, and don’t forget you’re exceptionally great.
Always rooting for you and always grateful for you!
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References
Appel, H., Gerlach, A. L., & Crusius, J. (2020). The interplay between social comparison and Facebook use: Antecedents and consequences. Current Opinion in Psychology, 36, 32–36. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2020.04.002
Crocker, J., Canevello, A., & Brown, A. A. (2017). Social motivation: Costs and benefits of selfishness and otherishness. Annual Review of Psychology, 68, 299–325. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-psych-010416-044145
Eisenberger, N. I. (2012). The pain of social disconnection: Examining the shared neural underpinnings of physical and social pain. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 13(6), 421–434. https://doi.org/10.1038/nrn3231
Fredrickson, B. L. (2013). Positive emotions broaden and build. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 47, 1–53. https://doi.org/10.1016/B978-0-12-407236-7.00001-2
Kraft, H. (2020). Deep kindness: A revolutionary guide for the way we think, talk, and act in kindness. Tiller Press.
Seppala, E. (2016). The happiness track: How to apply the science of happiness to accelerate your success. HarperOne.
Twenge, J. M., Martin, G. N., & Campbell, W. K. (2018). Decreases in psychological well being among American adolescents after 2012 and links to screen time during the rise of smartphone technology. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 127(6), 1–13. https://doi.org/10.1037/abn0000410
Vogel, E. A., Rose, J. P., Roberts, L. R., & Eckles, K. (2014). Social comparison, social media, and self esteem. Psychology of Popular Media Culture, 3(4), 206–222. https://doi.org/10.1037/ppm0000047