Prioritizing Connection in an Increasingly Disconnected World
GUEST WRITER: DR. SOLOMON MOOREHow well do we know our students? How well do our students know each other? Oftentimes, in education, we become so overwhelmed with curriculum, pacing guides, standards, data dives, and all of the other “stuff” that is part of providing a targeted, comprehensive system of learning that we forget the importance of connection. According to Merriam-Webster, connection is the act of connecting or the state of being connected, such as a) a relation of personal intimacy or b) coherence and continuity (2025). Applying this definition to education, we can understand that relational capacity with students and connecting to them will facilitate a positive learning environment. Just as we need coherence and continuity in curriculum, we also need coherence and continuity in relationships. Of course, curriculum and standards are important. They ensure students are learning all of the content required to be successful. And yes, data is also essential. We use data to determine strengths and areas for growth. It helps us identify needs in our classrooms, buildings, and districts, which drives interventions to help increase positive student outcomes. Yet, academics are only one piece of the puzzle.
Students’ social-emotional well-being is of the utmost importance. Without Maslow, students can’t Bloom. As much as this is touted at professional conferences, in articles, and in social media spaces, we tend to neglect it. We are living in a culture of fast-paced productivity and instant gratification. You can see this with the increase of straight-to-your-door services such as Door Dash, Uber Eats, Amazon, online grocery delivery services, etc. We use these services so that we can get more things done on our to-do lists. If you feel personally attacked by this, just know that I use these as well. They make life easier, right? In the workforce, we see automation and robotics creating more efficiency and higher productivity for companies, which can increase their bottom line. While these innovations are not inherently bad, they pressure us to do more. Fill our time. Sell more. Write more. Produce more. Further, they are decreasing communication and interaction with others. We are slowly losing social connection. It’s interesting to note that the advent of social media has brought digital connectivity across the globe. We can “follow” someone on Instagram who lives in Australia or watch reels of a group of athletes competing at an event in Brazil. Yet, with this increased digital connectivity, we are interacting less with people in real-time in our communities. We are increasing superficial digital connections and decreasing in-person social interaction. I see this in my work as a school counselor every day. Circling back to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs (1954), love and belonging are the third tier. We all need this connection. Our students need this connection - both with adults and with peers.
I think we focus too much on independence sometimes. Yes, it is important to be our wonderful, beautiful, and unique self. However, we are also social creatures. We learn from one another, gain support from one another, and can feel an increased sense of happiness when doing kind things for each other. Without this connection, we can feel isolated and lonely. As I’ve witnessed in my work with middle school and high school students, a lack of connectedness can lead to depression and suicidal ideation. Connection literally saves lives. Recent research has shown that school belonging can decrease the likelihood of suicidal thoughts and behaviors in youth and that relationships with supportive adults are an essential part of connection (Arango et al., 2024; Marraccinni et al., 2022, Watson, 2018). In the school system, I often see students struggling with loneliness and isolation. During the COVID-19 pandemic, this dramatically increased. We have a generation of students who lost crucial time with peers. In the aftermath of the pandemic, we understood the importance of connection and focused on activities to build peer and student-teacher relationships. However, in true U.S. fashion, we hastily moved back into rapidly covering content and ensuring we stayed on par with curricular pacing guides. Again, I am not discounting the importance of covering our academic standards and critical content. However, let’s not sidestep the importance of school belonging and students’ mental health as we do this.
Students learn best in environments where they feel safe, seen, and heard. Last year, a freshman popped into my office to ask a question. I said, “What’s up?” and addressed him by name. He paused and said, “You remember my name?” This caught me off guard. Later, while eating lunch at my desk, I reflected on this. How many students go through our hallways and never hear their names? How many students feel like they are just a number in a sea of faces? As school counselors, we often have way too many students on our caseloads. The American School Counselor Association (ASCA) recommends a ratio of 250:1 or less. I have 411 students on my caseload right now. This makes it extremely difficult to memorize everyone’s name. Yet, it is something that I spend time doing every year. I think it is vital. Being able to call a student by name shows they are seen and valued. It creates connection. In Brown’s (2021) study, she found that when students felt they mattered to their school counselor, this increased positive school connectedness. We could extend this feeling of “mattering” to all educator-student relationships. Students’ names matter. This is very personal. Of course, I understand this is easier for an elementary teacher with the same 25 students every day than a high school teacher with 130 students. Also, school counselors and other specialists who have insurmountable caseloads can impact the ability to know every student’s name. Yet, this is something relatively simple that we can do to create a bond with students and reduce isolation. What an amazing school culture that is built when every student hears their name.
Another idea would be to slow down and take time to increase relational capacity with students. Ask them about their evening, weekend, or morning. Ask them about something that is going well in their life right now. I’ll never forget my favorite teacher, Mrs. Moore. If you can imagine a 1996 elementary teacher donning a denim jumper with crimson apples on the front, that was her. She had a beautiful smile that made you feel like you were someone worth educating. At that time in my life, my childhood was very tumultuous. She was my one constant. I always knew what to expect when I walked into her classroom. She would always ask about my day, give me positive feedback and encouragement, and hug me when I needed it. To this day, I don’t think she knows everything I had to endure that year. However, I will always remember her kindness, warmth, and care. I don’t recall everything she taught me, but I do remember how she made me feel. She established a connection with me that motivated me and even protected me in some ways. In fact, I am still in contact with her. She has cheered me on through all of my life milestones. I am a living testament to the power of “mattering” and connection.
When a student comes into my office, even for something specific, such as a question about financial aid or needing help in a conversation with a teacher, I always ask how they are. Specifically, I’ll ask how things are outside of school. I have found this to be an effective way to inquire about their well-being and what is happening in their personal lives. Often, if I simply ask how they are, they’ll say, “Good,” or they’ll relate it to school/classes. I’ve learned to be more strategic. I want to know what is going on in their lives and any challenges they are facing. This conveys that I care about them—more than just how they are doing academically. I care about them as a person. I can also identify supports or resources that might be helpful for them. For example, a student’s dad passed away several weeks ago. A teacher made me aware of the situation. As you would expect, the student was struggling to focus in class and felt uncomfortable being at school some days. This is a traumatic experience and challenging to navigate as a teen. Talking to this student, I was able to offer my support. As well, I was able to communicate with the student’s mom to offer resources. This wouldn’t have happened if that teacher hadn’t built a connection with that student. The teacher was able to recognize that something was causing the student distress. Relational capacity allows us to provide the support students need to succeed in and out of the classroom. Part of this relational capacity is talking to them about our lives as well. Let them know things about you as a person. Adults often want students to be vulnerable and open but don’t give the same openness in return. Students like to know what makes us who we are, too. They are curious about our lived experiences. Of course, we should share what is developmentally and professionally appropriate.
Connection is the glue that holds us together. The importance of connectedness can be seen in families, friendships, romantic relationships, work relationships, etc. Having a bond with another human leads to understanding and care. In schools, we teach students to take others’ perspectives into account, respect diversity, and empathize with other humans. We can’t do this without connecting with one another on a deeper level. I believe that as we invest in making connections with students and facilitating connections between students, we will see positive student outcomes increase (and there is research to back this up!). Youth who feel disconnected from school will not be motivated to engage in learning or school initiatives. We know that school belonging is a protective factor for students. This includes not only connecting with adults in the school but connecting with peers as well. These student-to-student relationships are critical. We can increase peer connectivity through collaborative learning activities, open discussions, writing about shared experiences, and projects in which students get to know each other. We can also explicitly teach social skills such as active listening, how to engage in small talk, and how to communicate respectfully. And guess what? These are skills they need for the workforce as well. We are getting them career ready!
Arguably, connection is the foundation for school belonging and, in turn, develops motivation for success. One program that I LOVE is Capturing Kids’ Hearts (CKH). I have been at two buildings where we have used this framework and found it SUPER impactful. It’s all about building relationships. One thing that I love about CKH is the focus on building trust. When we prioritize connection, we strengthen trust in our classrooms and schools. When students trust school personnel and each other, they feel safe. When they feel safe, they can focus more on academics. In addition, they can generalize their social-emotional skills outside of school and create a more accepting and kinder world. In Houston Kraft’s book, Deep Kindness (amazing, by the way), he aptly states, “The kind of kindness the world needs is one that helps us feel less alone” (2020). I would echo this and emphasize that connection is key in ensuring the world becomes a kinder place. This connection starts in our schools.
DR. SOLOMON MOORE
Dr. Solomon Moore is currently a professional school counselor at Wichita North High School in Wichita Public Schools (KS). He has been an educator for over 13 years. He has experience at the elementary, middle, and high school levels. Dr. Moore is also a full-time counselor educator at Culver-Stockton College (MO), where he is the school counseling program chair. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in Kansas and a National Certified Counselor (NCC). Dr. Moore also works part-time for the Kansas State Department of Education as a counselor leader consultant. As well, he serves on the board of the Kansas School Counselor Association (KSCA) as the advocacy chair.
Dr. Moore holds a Ph.D. in Counselor Education and Supervision from Adams State University. He is also an alumnus of Pittsburg State University, Wichita State University, and the University of Missouri.
He lives in Wichita, Kansas, with his two cats, Sebastian and Kennedy. He enjoys CrossFit, weightlifting, hiking, reading thrillers, eating too much ice cream, and spending time with friends and family. In his free time, you will find him at his favorite local coffee shop (Las Adelitas) or on a road trip.
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